A Question for Autistics Only, Please

In Internetland, dems fightin' words.

I follow this parenting group on Facebook. Most of the time they ask general questions that parents or autistics can answer from their perspective.s At times, someone will ask a question and specifically request only first-hand experience advice from autistics.

And then it begins.

Right on cue, some parent of an autistic will respond on behalf of autistics. Because, you know, they know what it's like. They live this stuff.  They're in the trenches.

The moderator will gently remind everyone that only autistics should be answering.

Feathers get ruffled and the mods have to post a big announcement reminding everyone that speaking for autistics rather than allowing them to speak for themselves is rude and hurtful. Especially so in what is supposed to be a safe place.

And then it really gets heated.

There's always a few who ask, "If the name of the group is "Parenting Autistic Children with Love & Acceptance" then why can't parents answer?" I am lost on that one. How does that title translate into "This is a place for parents, and only parents, to speak and be heard"? Isn't 'parenting' a verb? An action?

And how on earth does anyone have enough gall to honestly believe they know what is going on inside someone else's head? The number one question in any autistic forum is some variant of "Help, I don't understand what my kid is thinking."

Isn't a part of parenting listening to your child so you can learn from them and understand them?  How scary is it if these parents truly believe that parenting means always talking, never listening?

Doesn't it make sense that when you want to know what something is like, you ask someone who has already had the experience? If you're trying to figure out someone who can't fully communicate wouldn't you turn to someone who has the same issue but is able to communicate?

If you wanted to know what childbirth is like do you want to hear from someone who read the "What to expect..." book or from someone who has already given birth?

Imagine if I asked the group of NTs for their perspective on something and then suddenly realized,  "Oh never mind, I can answer that myself. I know exactly what it's like to live a neurotyical life. I have a lot of experience with NTs. My family are NTs. Most of my coworkers are NTs.  Why I even dated a few! Some of my best friends are NT! I've been around them my whole life! It's exactly as if I was one of them!"

Imagine if I asked a group of men for their male perspective and then some woman talked over them and said she can answer for them. After all, she was raised with 3 brothers, she bore a male child, and not only was her father was a man, but she also married one! Why she's a veritable expert on men! She knows everything there is to know.

Jane Goodall did amazing research into chimpanzees. She completely changed our understnading of their world, social order and activities. And yet no one would be ridiculous enough to suggest that due to her incredible understanding of these creatures, Goodall is now classified as an chimp.

It's not possible to give a first hand account of something you can only experience second hand.