Thursday, May 2, 2013

Lack of Empathy, or Just a Cultural Difference?

Do autistics really lack empathy?

This idea has been rolling around in my head today. One of the "symptoms" of autism that I have a problem accepting is the idea that we lack empathy.

In the context of autism, empathy means the ability to know what another person is thinking or feeling. It's the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes; to view the world from their perspective.

I've taken the Baron-Cohen empathy test and failed miserably. By all accounts I should accept this idea that I lack empathy, but for some reason it has been bugging me. Today I finally realized why.

It is no secret that when a neurotypical and an autistic get together, the autistic will have difficulty empathizing with the NT. However amongst one's own kind, many autistics find they are able to empathize with other people on the spectrum. Many of us also empathize strongly with animals.

For this reason many of us agree that while we do have trouble reading NT's and understanding their motives, we see it more as a communication block, not as a lack of empathy.

Whether one has empathy or not is always judged from the NT's perspective. Yet researchers and the general NT public will readily admit they can not put themselves in the place of an autistic. They don't know what an autistic is thinking or feeling.

In other words, NT's lack empathy in relation to autistics. Just as autistics lack empathy in relation to neurotypicals.

Is it really fair to say autistics have low empathy when both sides are lacking?

I compare this to a difference in culture where when dealing with a person from a foreign land it can be difficult to put yourself in their shoes because things are so different where they come from.

Consider Bob, a typical NT from the Unites States. In the U.S. being somewhat loud, talkative and boisterous is considered 'friendly" and normal.

Bob is in a restaurant with a group of his friends. They are reading their menu and trying to decide what to order. They look around to the diners near them and ask their neighbors what they ordered and if it is any good.

The group is considered friendly and outgoing by U.S. standards. Now imagine a tourist couple from Asia is sat at the table closest to Bob and his friends.

The tourists are quiet, reserved and soft-spoken compared to Bob and his American friends. Bob notices the quiet couple and decides they are just shy and need help coming out of their shell. He tries to engage the two in conversation.

The couple responds politely to Bob but never fully participates in a conversation. They appear to be a bit embarrassed by the attention. At times they even seem a little annoyed. Bob and his friends are confused by the tourist's reaction because where they come from, people like making small talk with strangers in restaurants.

Bob and his friends are considered NT, and are said to have high empathy, yet when dealing with someone from a foreign place they lack empathy. They don't have the ability to view the world from the perspective of someone who is different from themselves. Their empathy only works with others of like mind.

The Asian couple also lacks empathy towards the American diners. The Asians can not put themselves in the American's shoes to see that they are actually being friendly, not rude.

Is it really fair to say a person has empathy if they only can read others that are just like them?

Isn't this what is really happening between neurotypicals and autistics? People with autism seem to be culturally different. They have different mannerisms and different opinions of what is considered friendly and polite in society.  While they do have trouble reading foreingers, they read their own kind just fine. Much like NT's do.

I don't think it is any more fair to say that autistics lack empathy than it is to say that Asians do.


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